Friday, March 15, 2013

Oh, hey, haven't seen you in a while...

Yeah, sorry. Doing the whole blog thing means I need to be actually writing, huh? Thing is, what about those times, when you don't want to do the things that you know you need to, SHOULD do? Things that you know are good for you but you're just like, "Aggggghhh noooooo". 

No Mr. Carrot Stick, I'm hanging out with chocolate bar

Ugh, yoga, pffffffttt. Hey nap time.

That's what depression is for me. Yes, I know eating healthy, exercising, being around people and involved in society (even if all I want to do is get in bed and cuddle with my cats) will eventually jump start you into a better place. Positive thinking produces positivity, even if you have to force it at first. 

But that week happens. When it doesn't happen. When you can't shake it. When, even though you recite the slew of positive affirmations you've learned about life through your brain countless times (It's okay to be sad sometimes, count your blessings, you're healthy and smart), you still feel jaded and pointless and angry. 

You hate the things that you usually love. They make you angry, and you make fun of that person you were when enjoying life. That person is blinded, and doesn't see how crappy everything really is. You find something wrong in everything. 

And then you start to think, "Well, maybe I should try medication again". 

Because thinking is too much. Figuring it out is too much. You can't stop comparing, not just yourself to others (which you know you shouldn't do), but yourself to yourself. Where you want to, but where you are, and how far you've come doesn't make you feel better. 

When it gets to the point where you don't even know where you want to be...

I may be down for the count. 
But I'm not giving in yet. 
It may be sunny outside and storming in my head,
But we'll hopefully figure it out
when I figure out hope.
And for now here's some pictures of what my week looked like. 

No comments:

Post a Comment