I've been sitting in a cafe for the past two hours thinking about what approach I want to take. Comical? Serious? Uplifting and heart warming? Straightforward and logical? Thus is trying to find your voice. Or in my case, which of the many voices in my head do I want to use.
The subject is today. An anniversary of sorts. For me, not you (or maybe you, too). Six months ago today, half a year ago, I decided to stop drinking alcohol (or the universe decided for me) and I was able to take control of my life.
I could go into the why, the how, and horror stories in between. And I probably will at some point. But I think I'm gonna give thanks for now.
I am completely aware that one of the biggest reasons I was able to make this change is my family. I am blessed that I was born into a family with the capabilities to support me when I couldn't help myself; emotionally, physically, financially.
Like most adolescence, I spent half of my 25 years thus far on this earth pushing away from my family. It continued into college, getting my feet deliciously wet with freedom. But then it continued after college.
I would avoid phone calls for weeks on end, because what was there to talk about? How hungover I was that day? How hard I partied the night before? When you are in a destructive cycle, the last thing you want are these beams of healthy normalcy trying to leech in, showing you that how your acting, what your doing, isn't okay, isn't healthy. Holding you accountable for being a productive part of this world (or even a participating member of your own world, which I wasn't).
I'm really trying to think back to how I felt then, try to understand the nerve I had. Who did I think I was? I want to smack that person. In hindsight, it seems like my family, as well as I, were waiting, patiently, for something to click into place (or hit rock bottom). And all the time, there they were. Never judging, and never angry. Never questioning. And when I needed it, catching me and holding me. And helping me. Again, not judging, and not angry. Just there.
Mom, Dad, Richard, Elaine; I don't think I can ever express how much I appreciate each one of you. The biggest blessing of sobriety has been able to see how clearly you love me, be able to fully appreciate that love, and give it back. Thank you
Congratulations on six months of really living, Little Sister! I don't know that I can personally appreciate how difficult it has been for you to make the necessary changes to break out of the trap you were in, but I know I am very proud of you and admire your courage.
ReplyDeleteLet me tell you, though; loving you is the easy part. You're probably one of the most lovable people I know. The person you really have to thank, the one who is doing all the real heavy lifting, is you.
So Thank You!